Empirical evidence
by sideoflight
Summary: Using Wilson, House wants to convince Cameron he really isn't interested in her. HW implied, but not really...well,it's better if you just read it.


This was slightly inspired by an episode of MASH (if anyone is a fan of the show, the title is _Bananas, Crackers, and Nuts(_season 1) ) and a couple of other shows. It turned into this fic because Cameron of season 3 acts almost like a stalker…and is just generally creepy (I apologize to those who like the character, I don't intend to argue about this).

Anyway, I don't own the characters. Not even the idea. I only own weak sense of humor and this pointless work of fanfiction, which sucks but at least it's anonymous. :)

Um….hope you enjoy the reading? I love to read reviews, if you feel it sucks, tell mo so.

»I want to understand.« the quiet voice came from the door, where Cameron stood with her arms crossed and a look of cold determination.

House could see there was no way he was getting out of his office now, so he tried his usual tactic.

"Yes, I want to understand too. For example, why is the sky blue? Grass green? What does it all mean and why am I talking to you instead of riding my bike?"

He would've gone on but Cameron approached his desk, her face serious. She took a deep breath and sat down.

"House, I want to understand why you never gave us a chance."

For a few minutes her boss just stared at her, his body completely still. When he finally decided she would probably leave sooner if he answered, he shifted uncomfortable.

"I thought we already had this discussion…unless you forgot that so-called date two years ago."

Cameron looked down. She was losing her nerve, but she decided she won't go until she got her answer. Clenching her trembling hands into fists, she exhaled.

"You told me I was interested only because you're damaged. Perhaps that was my reason for liking you, but I want to understand why _you _didn't want it. You could've easily pretended to like me and get something out of it, but you didn't. I want to know why?"

Now it was House's turn to look down. How would he respond? He had his reasons but he doesn't exactly feel the need to explain his deepest, darkest thoughts to Cameron of all people. She would only mistake it for him opening up to her, which she would probably take as an invitation to come back.

Avoidance it is. He smirked.

"I'm just not that kind of a guy Cameron." with satisfaction he noticed she looked up in exasperation.

"What kind exactly? The kind that isn't afraid to take a chance if it's presented?" her voice trembled a bit which annoyed House.

Why do women think showing and speaking about emotions is so vital? It made him uncomfortable because he didn't know what to explain…he didn't even know what to feel, the only thing he was certain of was that logic might not be a good tool at the moment.

An idea suddenly jumped into his mind. Who knew watching soaps all the time might actually come in handy at moments like this. _If only….._ House quickly threw a glance at the balcony, noting a light coming from Wilson's office. He smiled inwardly. If he turns this into an experiment, he can operate better. No emotions, just curious detachment. Science.

_It just might work._

He quickly straightened and looked directly into Cameron's eyes.

"Listen," he started softly, his mind already playing the possible scenario. "It was never your fault."

He cleared his throat quietly, hoping he would be able to pull this idea off. Slowly, he continued speaking, noting he had her full attention.

_Thank you O.C. and General Hospital. _

"You…are a wonderful person. Beautiful woman. If I wasn't….still am actually, in love with…someone else, this thing between us might've worked. However…" he stopped speaking, glancing at her expression. Her eyes were wide and she tried desperately to read his face, but his face gave nothing away. Cameron swallowed.

"You're…in love?"

House nodded and looked at his hands.

"Stacy?"

He abruptly looked up. Stacy actually never crossed his mind. House shook his head. "No, this person isn't even aware of my…feelings. Byron is an expert in unrequited love; he would express himself far more eloquent."

Cameron didn't really want to know, but then again…House has opened up quite remarkably, so she seized the chance and remained sitting.

"Anyone from this hospital?" she asked tentatively, her thoughts stopping at Cuddy for a moment.

House lifted an eyebrow. "Is this a girl talk? Fine, just let me get my nail polish and PJs and I'm all set. Yes, Allison, someone from this hospital. Ironically, for someone as clever as he is, he doesn't even suspect it."

A shocked silence followed in which Cameron processed his confession and House observed her shock with smugness.

"_He_? You're in love with a…man?"

House's eyes widened, imitating her shocked expression. "Shocker, I know. But one would think a woman shouldn't be so shocked to hear someone likes a _man._ "

Cameron sputtered. "I…I didn't mean…but you're not…you're not gay!"

House looked amused. "Well you wouldn't know that, now would you? Maybe I just stopped denying my feelings."

She shook her head and closed her eyes. "Fine…let's say I believe you. Who is it?"

He was waiting for that question. With a loud sigh House stood up and pointed his cane in the direction of Wilson's office. Cameron's eyes widened.

"Wilson? You're in love with…_Wilson?"_

Immensely enjoying her shock, he played on. "Oh, I just love how you repeat his name."

"I don't believe you." Cameron's voice turned serious and she stood up as well.

"Really? And you have any evidence to disprove my statement?" he asked, clearly interested in her reasoning.

"Well, for one…you dated Stacy for five years…"

"Can I help who I fall in love with? You should know how it feels."

"You always obsess about women's breasts…"

"Can't deny that."

"You have hookers."

"Never said they were female."

Cameron groaned.

"You don't act like you're in love with Wilson."

House looked thoughtful for a moment. "First, you have no proof about that, second…you're right. Maybe I don't want him to know."

This time Cameron looked genuinely puzzled. "Why? If you're serious about your feelings, you should say something…"

House smirked. "Great advice, Oprah. I can just imagine the conversation…'Hey Wilson, guess what; I'm gay! And in love with you! For years!"

He turned his back to Cameron to disguise a smile playing on his lips and limped towards the door.

Cameron suddenly grabbed his elbow and he turned back with shock. She had a wry smile on her face as she gazed into his eyes. "You're lying to get rid of me House. You're not gay nor in love with Wilson, you're just too big of a coward to admit the real truth."

Her triumphant smile at solving the puzzle widened at his silence. Suddenly they heard footsteps nearing House's office and they both turned their heads. Wilson was walking towards them, holding a file in his hands.

Cameron and House looked at each other. He could see her daring him and it was enough for his competitive side to step forward.

"Perhaps I should take your advice and tell him how I feel…or better yet, show him." he says lightly, already thinking of what would take to convince Cameron and at the same time prevent Wilson from reacting. The female doctor frowned, not sure if he was being serious or not.

Wilson already opened the glass doors and stepped towards the desk, holding the file to House. "Hey guys, I have a patient with quite unusual symptoms. Could you check the case tomorrow morning? I meant to just leave it here…"

He stopped speaking and glanced between each doctor. They were both staring at him, neither saying anything. House had an evil glint in his eyes which made him feel nervous.

"Uh…did I interrupt anything?" he asked, taking a step back.

Cameron smiled sweetly and stepped towards the entrance. "Not at all dr.Wilson, I was just leaving." she grinned at House and opened the door.

A sudden commotion made her look back and she suddenly saw House seizing Wilson by the shoulders and pushing him against the table, so that House's back was blocking Cameron's view. With shock she saw her boss grasping with his left hand at Wilson's right, preventing his friend to push him away.

The oncologist let out a muffled yelp of surprise which was quickly silenced by a hand covering his mouth and House's face pressing against his. Wilson felt paralyzed. He couldn't move a muscle from shock. With one eye he saw Cameron watching them with mouth slightly open and he finally came to his senses.  
He knew exactly how this must look from her perspective since she couldn't see House's right hand, and blood slowly colored Wilson's face red. He tried to push House away but the man had held him in iron grip.

"Oh, God." came Cameron's voice from the door. She backed out of the room and nearly ran towards the elevators, to get as far away as possible. When the voice of her shoes died out, House moved back, his hand still pressed against Wilson's mouth. A wicked grin was playing on his lips. "Judging by her parting, we were very convincing." He dropped his hand as well and looked at his friend. "We're lucky she was standing so conveniently by the door, or I would be forced to kiss you. Now that would be just weird."

Wilson wasn't sure whether to laugh or punch House.

"What…what the hell was that about?!" he sputtered, noticing only now his tie has been loosened.  
House snickered. "Cameron didn't believe I was gay, so I had to prove it."

The younger man's eyes widened. "But you're not gay House. Unless…wait, did she ask you on another date or something?"

"Not in those words, but yeah…something like that…" replied House, looking at his desk.

Wilson frowned. "So…instead of making your usual excuses, you decided to play on the gay card? That's…that's in a strange way actually…nice of you, I guess. But if you ever pull something like that again, don't include me. At least no one else saw us."

House dragged a hand over his mouth. "I wonder if she'll tell anyone…Chase would probably start walking with his back against the wall every time I come around. Or you for that matter."

Wilson looked alarmed. "House, you got to call Cameron tonight. The last thing I need is for people to think we're…involved."

"Might save you from wife number four…"

Wilson opened his mouth to answer, but House was jumped in. "Relax, I think she's too traumatized to tell what she thought she saw, to anyone. Besides, I'll just threaten to kill twelve kittens before her eyes if she as much as opens her mouth. But I want her to leave me alone, so you better keep quiet too."

The oncologist rolled his eyes and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You know, you could've at least clipped your nails before grabbing my face..."

House gave him an incredulous look. "God, Wilson. How can I even pretend to be gay if you're such a girl?"

"Shut up House."


End file.
